SHIT is everywhere. So as long as you’re stepping in it, show it some respect. 2

WORLD RELIGIONS PHILOSOPHY AND OTHER THINGS

THE COMPLETE AND UNCENSORED SHIT LIST

AGNOSTICISM What is this shit?

ALTRUISM Want some shit?

APATHISM I don’t give a shit.

ATHEISM I don’t believe this shit.

BA’HAI All shit is truly shit.

BUDDHISM Shit happens.

BAPTIST FUNDAMENTALISM Shit happens because the Bible says so.

CAPITALISM How much will this shit cost?

CARTESIANISM I shit, therefore I am.

CLASSICAL Marxism The workers take all the shit, but they’re gonna dish it back out again.

COMMUNISM It’s everybody’s shit.

CONFUCIANISM Confucius say, «Shit happens.»

CREATION SCIENCE We have proof that God created all the shit that happens.

CONTRACT THEORY If we don’t agree to form society, everything will go to shit.

DARWINISM We came up from shit.

DESCARTES I shit therefore I am.

DIANETICS Shit your way to a better life.

DOMINICANS Belive in shit, or we’ll boil you in it.

DYSLEXIANISM Hits shapnep.

DISCORDIANISM This MIGHT be shit, but is instead a fuzzy 1955 Mustang.

Logical-Positivism Shit = S+H+I+T

MARINES It’s not just shit, it’s an adventure.

MORMONISM Your shit is shit, but our shit is the ONE TRUE shit.

NARCISSISM My shit don’t stink.

NIETSCHE If you’re not Ubermenschen, you’re not shit.

NIHILISM Everything is shit.

NIXONISM Shit didn’t happen, and if it did, I don’t know anything about it.

PAGANISM Shit happens. And is a part of nature.

PLATONISM There is an ideal shit, of which all the shit that happens is but an imperfect image.

Protestantism Let shit happen to someone else.

RASTAFARIAN Shit happens, but if it’s all right with Jah, it’s all right with me.

ROBINISM (tv) Holy shit Batman!

RUSSEAU Only natural shit is worth shit.

SOLIPSISM All this shit is a creation of my imagination.

STALINISM The state treats you like shit.

SURREALISM Shit is shiny and shaped like a buick.

Scientific-Creationism Shit happens all at once

Secular-Humanism Shit happens, but there’s a rational explanation.

TAOISM The shit that happens is not the true shit.

THE-FORCE Do not be swayed by the Dark Side of the shit.

TV-Evangelism you need our shit, but it’ll cost you.

UNITARIANISM There’s only one shit, but you can have it happen any way you want.

VOODOOISM Shit doesn’t just happen – somebody dumped it on you

Xeno’s paradox It’s logically impossible for shit to happen.

 

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